About Me
Honestly, I look like a hospital patient who just came out of surgery with a bandage over my face, and a tracheostomy (the narrow tube in my neck that I breathe through). What am I doing at the start of a foot race? I can see this question on the look of people’s facial expressions when I show up at an event. But runners are very cool people and make me feel like I blend right in as if I wasn’t any different, and I’m not. Because I’m a runner.
No, I didn’t just come out of surgery. So why the bandage? The hard truth is - I’ve been wearing it since 1999. Yes, that long. When I was 16 years old I attempted to end my own life while intoxicated. I can barely remember what happened. I shot myself. There was a specific moment that I’ll never forget and it’s one of the main reasons why I’m still here. Everyone was screaming and running around trying to save my life. The noise began to fade away and gradually it became dark. I heard nothing and I saw nothing. That was the moment I uttered in earnest prayer, “Dear God, save me.” I heard again and I saw again, and even the pain was better than the nothingness I had just felt.
It’s been an extremely difficult life for me ever since that night and I’ve had to overcome mountains bigger than those in this world. Perhaps that’s why I fell in love with trail running. I have it in me to keep going no matter how difficult things get, and every trail run reminds me to just keep going. I love to write about my adventures in my journey as a runner so feel free to follow along!
No, I didn’t just come out of surgery. So why the bandage? The hard truth is - I’ve been wearing it since 1999. Yes, that long. When I was 16 years old I attempted to end my own life while intoxicated. I can barely remember what happened. I shot myself. There was a specific moment that I’ll never forget and it’s one of the main reasons why I’m still here. Everyone was screaming and running around trying to save my life. The noise began to fade away and gradually it became dark. I heard nothing and I saw nothing. That was the moment I uttered in earnest prayer, “Dear God, save me.” I heard again and I saw again, and even the pain was better than the nothingness I had just felt.
It’s been an extremely difficult life for me ever since that night and I’ve had to overcome mountains bigger than those in this world. Perhaps that’s why I fell in love with trail running. I have it in me to keep going no matter how difficult things get, and every trail run reminds me to just keep going. I love to write about my adventures in my journey as a runner so feel free to follow along!
Carol, I listened to your Moth story on our local NPR station out of Pasadena, CA, State University. I have a 'bad back'. Many back injuries leaving me with chronic pain from my neck to my tailbone from various falls and hang glider crashes over the years. But two nights ago I walked over two miles and felt pretty proud of myself. But that is nothing compared to what you have achieved. Swimming is my exercise [ till the 24 hour fitiness closed due to the Pandemic], and when I swim a mile plus, I'm floating and there's no pain. Anyway, your story was fantastic and I'm so glad I heard it tonight, and it will encourage me to PICK IT UP and walk more than every few days...maybe I'll even try jogging. What the heck? Anyway, keep up the good work, and bless you for your Moth talk because you have encourages so many people to break through those barriers that are more in our heads than in material reality!
ReplyDeleteGerald Sobel